god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
