You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
