people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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