im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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