So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
