at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
