Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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