i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
