Just mADE A PArabola og urine
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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