wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
