OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
