he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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