if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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