He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
