I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
