OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
