umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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