You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
