This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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