Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
