Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
