Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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