I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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