Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
