just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
that is very illegal...i love you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
