Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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