4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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