Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
