This house was built for laser tag.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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