Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
