Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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