all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
