sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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