I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
