i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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