im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
