I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
