Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
