So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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