Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
