I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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