just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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