we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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