So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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