Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
