I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
