i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
