Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
