how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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