Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
