Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
