Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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