party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it glows. i had to have it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
