did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
