i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
