i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's blow job season.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
