I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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