You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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