she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
