Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
