Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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