Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize