whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
