She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
