ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
