I got her a Nickelback box set.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
