I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
