I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
