im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
