I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize