Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
