from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
